Christmas

Sometimes.. just sometimes, I forget that I'm an old person and not everyone grew up in Palmerston North. Recently I let slip that we made some Christmas albums a way-way back and people keep hounding me about it, so here you go. Sorry Al.

These are three of my favourite songs from the second album. The whole idea of the project was to rip off NOFX's 'Fuck the kids' concept and write and record entire albums in a single week. We recorded all the songs at the Stomach in Palmy and often only got through a single decent take before moving on to the next song.

A Christmas Cracker - http://tinyurl.com/l8mgju4

This is my favourite song off the second record, it's about the insanity of Christmas and how people put on a brave face despite losing it at that time of year. I got in references to Universal Solider, MC Hammer and the last line (which people always ask about) is "..you find me here beneath your tree and I'm eating meat, and I won't say where I got it from, but Woofy needs some gravy".

Eat Tinsel And Die - http://tinyurl.com/ma24g9p

This was a lot of other people's favourite track off the album, it's about the first Christmas a 3 year old has to spend with their nearly year old baby sister. My favourite lyric from this comes from the maniacal bravado in "..the sandpit will be mine again!". This was me commenting on the selfish side of Christmas, but I frankly can't help loving this little tough guy, I think it's because I know he cannot win. - I only had one or two takes at this and was regularly out of tune and out of time, I was eating a cold BK chicken burger with extra mayo at the time.

The Clatter Of Many Hooves - http://tinyurl.com/mxcywrq

This is my second favourite song on the album, it's about an elf with little job satisfaction, feeling he does all the work while the reindeer take all the glory. We were running out of time having wasted a considerable amount of effort trying to cover "Snoopy's Christmas" and we were still 3 songs short of a record. I recorded both voices in one take and ad-libbed the whole second part. Something I'm still immensely proud of and which blew Andy Young's mind. Seeing as Andy was there and we never did manage to get through Snoopy's Christmas, we got him to play drums and sing the last song on the record, the very angry, very cantonese, "Smiley, Happy, Christmas Song". So here's your bonus track, you'll have to ask Andy what he's saying.

Smiley, Happy, Christmas Song - http://tinyurl.com/m5sah6x

A big thanks to everyone who performed on the records and special thanks to Dougal Ross for writing this silliness with me.

There were always supposed to be three albums, but while I wrote songs for a third, it never materialized. Maybe one day. When we're even older.

Scorpions

I am stepping down from my role as Media & Marketing Manager of the New Zealand Ice Hockey League.

I have held the role for 2 seasons and overseen a great deal of change, especially off the ice.

I saw that as my role, to focus on the fans and in doing so grow the game.

I feel I succeeded rather well, adding colour, atmosphere, providing good guidance and increasing the image, communication and patronage across the league.

It has been deeply rewarding, seeing the growth, being part of the community and effecting positive change. I have a lot of pride in what I've achieved and know that I have helped lay a solid foundation for the future. I am sure the structure I have put in place will continue to evolve the game and bring new people to it.

With so many positives, it can be hard to fathom why I am leaving, but the fact is I am exhausted.

Implementing the vast array of changes I brought to the league was no mean feat and required huge amounts of time, energy and patience. The hardest part is probably behind us, but I feel someone new to the role will freshen things up and I have told the league I will be available on a consultation basis should my experience need to be called upon.

I would now like to shift my focus back to what brought me into ice hockey, television.

I feel with the increase in the quality of the product that the move towards more televised coverage becomes ever more inevitable.

I do enjoy producing that content and think confining my efforts to this area will generate the best results.

And that is my hope, that in the 10th season of the NZIHL, we will be bringing the game to a screen near you.

There's a lot of water to pass under the bridge, but if the proposals put forward in my end of season report are adhered to then I see no reason why we cannot.

In the meantime, I need a holiday and some cricket.

www.nzihl.com

May

It may shock you to learn I did not get the TVNZ job.

It may.

Still, not every employer is likely to see me as pure unbridled talent just as I don't see every employer as a 'golden diamond pony'.

I'm coming to the end of a cycle in which I've accomplished a lot on both personal and professional levels and am now re-evaluating how I want my life to proceed from this juncture forth.

Most notable is a change of attitude around how I want to work and who I want to work with.

My entire life I have always tried to please other people and as a reasonably capable person been able to undertake and execute most tasks with little tepid sweat on my brow. My ability to complete a wide variety of tasks has made for a highly varied professional life in which I have done all manner of jobs from the bottom up.

I could, if I wanted to, settle. Settle for a well paying job somewhere convenient, rake in the dough, buy a house and kill myself slowly that way. Pretend to be someone I'm not, please other people and be rewarded for it.

I consider that a creative take on suicide.

What I want to do is work with other people who want to work with me. People who inspire me and challenge me to do better. People who value what I bring to the group, but most of all people! *holds gun to the computer*

I dearly want to work in comedy if I can and avoid stand up where ever possible in getting there. Not likely, but not impossible.

I of course have other interests, the environment, social wrong doing, cricket.. but I feel I can best indulge myself in these areas and provide greater positive change through comedy.

No matter what role I have undertaken over the years, it has always been with a smile on my face and heartened by the smiles of others as I lighten the mood in even the most stressful environments. Nobody lost any fingers, so I think I brought a lot to the workplace. Even when certain jobs were gut busting or emotionally difficult, I still made jokes, I looked at the lighter side and I helped other people to see it too. Most people appreciated it, some people did not.

Perhaps employers didn't always get what they bargained for when they hired me, capable and reliable, but also humorous, creative and headstrong. What I want to do from now on when I apply for positions and work towards my goals is be more honest about who I really am from the get go.

It's a change I made on a personal level 12 years ago, to be myself. To stop pretending to be someone else for others sake and open up to being liked or loathed just for being me. I lost a lot of friends and for a while things were pretty glum, but the friends I've made since are all lifers. People who respect and care about me, believe in what I'm capable of and want me to succeed.

I feel the exact same way about them and I want to feel the exact same way about work.

Cover

I've recently been looking into other employment opportunities, but I don't want to fall into the trap of taking the first thing that comes along. Rather, I'd like take job where I get to be creative as well as productive. To this end I recently applied for a 6 month contract with TVNZ as a 'Creative Producer'. Here is my cover letter:

To The TVNZ Mastermind It May Concern,

Your ad got me excited. ‘Commercial Creative Producer’ is a terrible title, but the role you describe sparkles with possibilities.

Perhaps ‘Edu-Fun Captain’ would be a better way to be known around the office?

That’s what excites me about this role, the potential to devise and execute on creative terms, to collaborate with talented people and facilitate great production.

You’ve been reading my diary again, haven’t you TVNZ?

My background involves all things entertainment and I have thoroughly enjoyed the challenges that have been thrown at me, except swimming. I am rubbish at swimming.

Still, no matter how difficult the situations in which I have found myself, how mind bendingly technically brain pulverising or how socially anus tighteningly awkward, I have always swum. I have always pulled on my togs and jumped in because that is what I do.

And you might think, we’re not looking for some kind of man-fish-boy. And you’d be right. But I bring a lot more than loose metaphors to the table. I bring a mixture of skill, wit and technical proficiency to rival that of any 13 year old with the Adobe suite and a bare bones social life.

I’m not just clever, I’m scary clever.

Synergy, people. Synergy.

“The interaction of multiple elements in a system to produce an effect different from or greater than the sum of any individual effects.”

It’s total wank and completely apt.

I want to work with you because it will be awesome. And certainly not because working for TVNZ will allow me to complete my set of New Zealand broadcast mugs.

I want to bring my enthusiasm and workaholism to our national broadcaster. Be part of a team with a sweet codename that makes me sound like I can never talk about work. To be based next to a casino and wonder, when are they getting my office?

It’s time to combine my vast technical knowledge, creativity and unreasonably high standards to not just work for you, but with you and with the viewers.

Great content is at the heart of any great production and that is what I will deliver.

A dried up manly-fish-boy is just an added bonus.

Call me.

My number’s in the back of my diary.

Jez Brown

Pills

Today I was supposed to perform stand up comedy in Wellington. Instead I did something to which I am totally unaccustomed, I chickened out.

That is extremely difficult to admit, even to myself. Chickening out is not usually available in my lexicon.

Each new challenge is almost always met with taking up arms and I certainly have pedigree when it comes to performance of anything funny.

It was a hard decision to make and given my own goals and standards in regards to comedy and my own work ethic, a very bitter pill to swallow. I can feel it choking me even as I write this.

I would like to think it takes guts to admit when you are not prepared for something. My set it written, but my head space is completely wrong.

I've been under a lot of stress lately and am not feeling particularly funny. I am distracted and bogged down in other matters right across the board, totally unable to give my time to the preparation required to overcome my own negative thinking.

What pains me most is that I had something worthwhile to say. That the set I'd put together was thoughtful, well written and full of research delivered with witty analysis.

Unlike so much current stand up, it made a point. A point I hoped would resonate with the audience, that would be taken home and lead to at least one argument in the kitchen over the validity of what I had to say.

I am kicking myself.

This is the same set I bottled recently and it seems prudent to attest that perhaps the hangover of that failure coupled with the stress of recent events has simply gotten the better of me this time around.

It hurts to admit defeat. It's humbling to admit when you cannot deliver.

Put into context it's a small blip on the radar, a moment that never even was save for what I have written here. An irrelevant nothing which effects exactly zero other people.

It is good to know I have my priorities straight at the moment.