Monday 10 August 2015

Flagons

I have opinions on the flag debate.

"Why" "WHY?!" I hear you ask. "It's not even a debate, it's one overstroked corporate ego in the midst of a self serving rebranding exercise."

And you're right, that's exactly what this is. A rich man who wanted to be Prime Minister, used his finances and influence to realise his dream and now wants to leave his egotistical mark on the nation like a businessman kissing a prostitute.

I have an opinion because years before our Prime Minister slithered out of the Wall St woodwork, I too felt we needed a new flag. Our current flag is a colonial flag, but I think we've far outgrown the label of colon-y. We are a nation which can stand on it's own two feet.. until we sign away our sovereignty.. but that's another matter.

So while I agree we should look at a new flag, I cannot agree with the process, the cost or the absolutely vile Top 40 picked out by a group of utterly inept Noddie and friends.


Here is the Top 40 from which our potential new flag will be picked, prepare to get a little vomit in your mouth.

I have quickly canvassed people I trust to make sure I'm not just being an arsehole, but without the slightest deviation, all agree this list is an abomination. Phrases like "ew" and "..it looks like a first year design student's portfolio" pretty much nutted it on the head for me.

At this juncture I think it's fair to say the decision around our national flag is done and dusted. None of these designs will topple our current flag. And I have mixed feelings about this, because A) I actually want a new flag, and B) I am so so glad it won't be any of these.

I've spent an unhealthy amount of time looking through the submissions over the past few months, there were some really good designs. It's just sad none of them made the Top 40. Judging by the list, never even came close, because they didn't go with the far superior option of letting blind chimpanzees pick at random in a dark room.

Because no-one involved in this process seems to know jack diddley about flag design, I came up with a list of guidelines to help narrow the field.

1) - No black.

You can argue our national colour is black, but you can't argue black is a colour, next!

2) - No fern.

The silver fern is our national emblem, it does not belong on the flag, it is on literally everything else.

3) - No kiwi.

We are not the airforce.

And finally..

4) - my 4 year old niece must be able to draw it.

It's not rocket science, but a few more blind chimps in confined spaces might bring us closer to the mark.

My personal opinion is the flag should be blue, green and white, which will rankle the "we are not Fonterra" people, but by the same token, maybe Fonterra actually did some proper market research in defining the colours which best represent our country.

Then again, maybe my good friend Hadley Donaldson nailed it from the start.



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