Old Lastie

It's my last day of work in the middle east. 3 months have flown by as expected and it's time to go home.

I've learned a lot from being here, mostly from my multicultural coworkers who have been so quick to point out my racist indiscretions. Indiscretions I was wholly unaware of and then took advantage of for comedy value.

Still, learning about other peoples cultures and their views on different political, social and economic situations has been invaluable. It has given me new perspective on our issues back home in New Zealand and really made me want to kick John Key in the bollocks harder than ever before.

Did you know we are really dumb? Because we are really dumb. Talk about lambs to the slaughter, it'd be sad if it wasn't so laughable. Our isolation really hasn't done us any favours in this regard as outside political interests have taken hold in our lovable land. Our national penchant for not wanting to upset anybody by talking politics is really biting us in the bum.

There's a lot we should be talking about and I'll be brandishing a new comedy set that deals with this directly when I get back. I dare any of you to come to those shows, I think I've slipped my leash.

Anyway there are a number of things I have missed about New Zealand and am looking forward to when I get back, namely: sports on television that aren't friggin soccer, a pie, rain, playing cricket, casual swearing, seeing girls in the street, pornography and my homies.

I actually completely forgot about pornography until I was reminded, which weirds me out. It's almost like the middle east succeeded in squeezing that interest out of me. I am total odds with this fact.

Of the things I'll miss from here, the spicy chicken shwarma from the kebab place across the street sits highest on the list. Man if I could bottle that.

I'll also miss the good people from work who I was able to enjoy a laugh with on a regular basis. It actually bothers me quite a bit that I don't even know many of their names, but turnover here is so high that it would take true diligence and rigorous testing to keep up. I also find it strange that here in the middle east where we're all supposed to be so serious, my sense of humour has been much more warmly welcomed than in workplaces in New Zealand where we're all supposed to be so easy going.

It has been really nice to have so many reporters/producers seek me out to work with because they enjoy my company and that's given me tremendous confidence in myself and what I do.

You might think I'd also miss the sun, but I can tell you as a Kiwi you lose a bit of yourself out here not being able to constantly discuss the weather. You try, but noone bites, it's simply sunny. I can't wait to see rain again, I'm actually excited about it and know I will sleep like the dead the first night I hear it on the roof.

I have a couple of days left here before I fly home where I'll be essentially homeless, but nothing pretending to be an Australian woman and pretending to be married to a Finnish one can't solve. Coming off contract work decided I no longer needed accommodation despite booking my flights several days after I finished. I think I'll put that in the "nearly, not quite" basket of things I won't miss so much.